She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
