Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
