How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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