Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
