FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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