Pants 0. Shit 1.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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