Umm I'm too high to move.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
