I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
