we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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