Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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