You work out of a Hotel?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
