The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
