fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
