took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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