I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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