he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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