mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
