i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
