A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
