Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
