It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Send help, water and tortillas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
