so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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