maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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