I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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