i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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