someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
