I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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