I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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