I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
