i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
