george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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