it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize