so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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