Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
