Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
