I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
