Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
