i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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