Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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