is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
