ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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