you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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