I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
