i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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