...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
