Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed

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(712): View more from Iowa

That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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(+79): View more from

You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win

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(989): View more from Michigan

I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog

(989): View more from Michigan

They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"

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(727): View more from Florida

The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.

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