Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
