separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
