i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
