1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
