Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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