i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
