I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
