You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
