why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
