Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
