Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
