Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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