It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
