you traded sex for a burrito?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
