who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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