Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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