There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
