I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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