You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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