Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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