Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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