come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
