I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
