You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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