How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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