My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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